While gallivanting around Seaside doing research for last weeks special Seaside-themed issue, I happened upon some new places Id normally not set foot in. The category of best sweets shop had been suggested for that column, and though Im well aware of how many there are in town, I cant lie; I just dont like candy. Plus, I like familiar territory (read: Ive reviewed the place before) for such an article.

Id enjoyed Dundees doughnut annex when I reviewed it, found that it was something Seaside needed, and I could lump their sweets in with the variety Dundees offers in the best place to please everyone category. But Id popped into a few candy stores anyway, noted the taffy and fudge, and moved on. My last stop was The Buzz on Broadway, which was more my speed. Nostalgic items like candy cigarettes are available. I grabbed a pack, picked up a chain of orange Zotz for my brother, took in the Pez display, and just as the overpowering sweet smell had about driven me from the premises, I caught a very promising glimpse through the mass of spring breakers. In a cooler at the other end of the store was a bottle of Moxie.

Id had Moxie years ago on a family trip around North America. Its a New England mainstay we tried in Maine, and ended up bringing bottles back with us to share with friends. Few liked it then, but what about now? Next to Moxie was a bottle of Lester’s Fixins Bacon Soda, and a corn-flavored pop next to that. It hit me: In November, Id written a couple of beverage tasting articles covering diet sodas, aloe drinks, teas, herb waters, cucumber sodas and more. I didnt get around to the promised Kombucha or sipping vinegars, deciding to lump those in with some of the stranger exotic ethnic drinks a friend was collecting in Portland. That will be the fourth and final installment of this series, running next month. For now, were tasting gimmick sodas.

This started as fun. We picked up 15 different bottles from The Buzz, another eight from its sister store Beach Bites next door, and a lot of paper cups from Dollar Tree. Eight friends joined me in popping the tops and passing around the bottles. But none of us were really sweet soda drinkers, and we immediately discovered that even one ounce at a time, the sweetness was going to be challenging. Plus, many were just terrible. What follows is a brief description of some, and comments from the team.

NuGrape Soda This was filled all the way to the top, which is unusual. A standard purple, this was quite flat, prompting its like a thawed Otter Pop. This reminds me of cheap candy.

Nesbitts Peach This was nice and carbonated after the NuGrape. The artificial color and flavor are both peachy. Its sour, but thats better than too sweet.

Frostie Cherry Limeade A light red Santa-looking figure graces the bottle. This is like watered-down Sno-cone syrup. Wheres the lime?

Jelly Belly Lemon Drop Lemony. Like Lemonheads candy. Its kind of like lemon zest. Heartburny.

Jelly Belly Crushed Pineapple Smells like Band-Aids. Tastes like butterscotch! Tastes like glue. You ate glue? … No. I its an expression …?

Kickapoo Joy Juice This closely resembled Mountain Dews unnatural color. Its too sweet. What does the bottle mean by Dogpatch flavor, exactly? Another flat one, they must not sell many.

Dr. Browns Cel-Ray Celery Soda Greyish in color. This is interesting. Celery seedy, not like fresh celery. Its … dirty. The sweetness is odd.

Rocket Fizz Mud Pie Dark and murky, smells of caramel and butterscotch. Its like burned brown sugar, and way too sweet. No notes of chocolate.

Jack Blacks Blue Cream Soda Another flat one. Bright blue. Smells fruity, in a general kind of way. Wheres the vanilla of cream soda? Doesnt taste like it smells. Meh. Why blue?

Lester’s Fixins Coffee Soda Dark, but not like black coffee. Strange undulation in the coffee cup illustration on the label. Maybe its a giant cup and its windy. Smells like peanut butter. Tastes like Frangelico, not coffee. Yeah, hazelnut syrup.

Peanut Butter Soda Cloudy and thick appearance. Not good. Reminds me of that candy bar … Big Hunk! Oh yeah, now I like it.

Lester’s Fixins Bacon Soda Light brownish. This stinks. Smells like rancid nuts. Smells worse than it tastes. Not delicious. Super sweet, maple-y. Smells like a pet store. Not looking forward to the burps.

Sioux City Cherries n Mint Dont taste mint. Its like maraschino cherry juice, really.

Averys Swamp Juice Greenish brown. Part of a jokey SodaScusting line of drinks. Smells like a bag of Sour Patch Kids. Grapey. I like this one!

Lester’s Fixins Sweet Corn Soda Golden yellow. Ironically sweetened with pure cane sugar. Creamed corn juice. Buttery yet cloying. Canned corn water with sugar.

Looks like Orange, Tastes like Grape They ruined the surprise!

Averys Kitty Piddle Tastes like grapefruit, orange and pineapple. This would be good with gin.

Moxie Dark like cola. Smells like Band-Aids. Smells like cough syrup. I smell Necco wafers. Like cola, root beer and medicine. I could get used to it.

All bottles from The Buzz and Beach Bites are $2.05 + deposit, with a 10 percent discount per six-pack.

Well, it was a tough assignment. My distaste for sweets lost out to my daring desire for the weird and exotic. The final installment is even stranger as we take on cinnamon punch, salted yogurt milk, Kombucha with Chia seeds (yes, as in Chia pets), Russian sodas and more!