The following is a continuation of The Mouth’s March 31 column, in which he reviewed local restaurants that could be considered the closest thing to the drive-in restaurants of yesteryear. Check out his reviews of The Corral Drive-In (Long Beach, Wash.) and Dairy Maid (Warrenton) here.

Custard King

1596 Commercial St., Astoria

(503) 325-6372

11 a.m. to 6-ish (it’s on the sign that way) daily; closed Sundays and Wednesdays

Burgers had little to do with my fond memories of Custard King until after the age of 12 or so. Before that, it was a special place to go for a scoop of real ice cream, the hard stuff, something the other two don’t offer. I remember their lengthy selection, a tradition I’m glad to say is still carried on today, several ownerships later. You can still find more than 20 flavors of hard ice cream at Custard King, and while the burgers have changed a little bit, they’ve still got that je ne sais quoi that always kept us going back. Back 15 years ago or so, the burgers had a red relish on them, and a “special sauce.” I never much cared for that unholy marriage of mayonnaise and ketchup, relegating it to the low-brow annals of ranch dressing and iceberg lettuce. But these are merely parts of a whole, a whole that I’m trying to celebrate.

Custard King burgers are still massive, fresh-cooked, and on the whole appealing. Having come off the Tsunami, I decided to forgo the King’s own mega-burger, the Dragon ($10.50). The Palace ($9.05) boasts the same huge bun, only two quarter-pounders (rather than Dragon’s four) and Tillamook cheddar, Swiss, pepper-jack, sauteed mushrooms and a fried egg. Plus pickles, lettuce, tomato, onion, mayo and ketchup. I must mention that Custard King uses Reed & Hertig’s superior lean beef, so the 1/4-lb. patties are much larger in the end. The egg was cooked over-medium so the yolk wasn’t spilling about, nor was it overcooked. Perfect. The white onion was on the thick side, so beware. The King ($5.15) was too plain to be their namesake burger. A double-decker with middle-bun separation, the two quarter-pounders were dressed with nothing. No sauces, no vegetables. The one almost-redeeming quality was that the palate seemed to focus in on the quality beef and the buttery griddled buns. My favorite was the Wizard ($8.30), a double cheddar, half-pound burger with bacon, mushrooms and a middle bun. Not too unwieldy, but still plenty going on. A nice touch is Custard King’s punch cards. Not unlike an espresso drive-through or Subway’s old “Sub Club,” you’re rewarded for repeat business. With my regular dining schedule, I rarely have the time to frequent even the best places, but it’s nice to know it’s there, stuffed among the other similar cards in my wallet, just in case.

The Logger Restaurant

42929 Old Highway 30, Knappa

(503) 458-6886

6 a.m. to 8 p.m. Sundays through Thursdays, 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays

By no means is this a full review. Furthermore, I’ve no childhood memories to recall about The Logger in Knappa, except to mention what I’ve heard of their enormous burgers over the years, and moreso recently since I announced the intention of this two-part column.

“You can’t write about Dairy Maid, Custard King, and The Corral without mentioning The Logger Burger!” was the first thing said, soon followed by: “Wha!? You’ve never had a Logger Burger!?”

No, I’d never had a Logger Burger (it’s not like never having seen “The Wizard of Oz,” is it?), but lest this topic extend deep into spring, I jaunted right out to get one. After perusing the menu, and knowing that this was not to be a full review, I decided to get the biggest, baddest burger they make, The Big Bubba Burger ($13.50).

This behemoth boasts, in this order from the bottom up: bun, mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato, a half-pound Logger patty, sauteed onions, sauteed mushrooms, cheddar cheese, a second half-pound Logger patty, a bunch of ham, Swiss cheese, bacon, a fried egg, and finally the top bun. I couldn’t get my maw around the thing. Two of us were sharing it, and we barely managed our halves despite our all-day fast.

We didn’t even eat a single French fry (which were included). As much as these humongous burgers are a curiosity to see, and a fun challenge to try and finish (…well, seeing as this is The Logger in Knappa, I’m going to use the vernacular here and say we successfully “felled” that burger), there’s just something not right about the amount of ingredients and flavors piled in there. It’s like painting too many colors onto a canvas – you just get a muddled sense of things. It’s half breakfast, half dinner. It doesn’t really taste like a burger anymore. But I knew what I was in for and besides, The Logger has other massive burgers that don’t include the kitchen sink. The Big Bubba was a good-time mess, and more than enough for two super-hungry people.