CANNON BEACH – Cannon Beach has about 25 restaurants within its small area of a mile and a half, and this allows locals and visitors to be pretty discriminating when deciding where to eat. Although JP’s is revered by many, I can bestow little praise.

I cannot disparage JP’s for service, decor or location. Only the food scores low with me, and not only the food I’ve eaten, but the sheer gall of some of the dishes on the menu. At times, Chef Bill Pappas’ menu seems to want to “reinvent the wheel” with several items, which is insulting to those who love classic dishes and wild, local seafood.

Firstly, JP’s Caesar salad is hands-down the worst I’ve ever been served, including McDonald’s. The over-chopped, watery romaine lettuce had absolutely no trace of Caesar dressing that I could discern. The menu-described “soft croutons” (an oxymoron) were merely flat squares of stale bread. I really didn’t understand the point, considering that the house bread itself is a bland, underbaked, overly sweet embarrassment. The waxy tendrils of parmesan appeared factory-shredded, but did impart something indicative of a true Caesar ingredient, unlike the unwelcome tomato wedges.

A daily soup that we tried, potato and cabbage, was insipid – save its intense black pepper taste – and pointless. A mixed green salad with a simple vinaigrette also somehow failed. Salt and pepper could not revive the dull dressing.

A strict rule for many chefs and gourmets is never to use cheese in combination with seafood. This rule is broken by Pappas many times over, without regard for tradition, or concern for overpowering the delicate fresh seafood he procures and purveys. The restaurant’s Web site describes Pappas as a “food hacker,” whatever that means. My response: 404 Error: File not found. Access denied.

I gave the crab cake appetizer a chance, despite the price of $16.95. I really enjoyed the offbeat cocktail sauce, and the bold inclusion of capers. The cream cheese, however, ruined the inner texture for me.

Steamer Clams Marinara is a dish that shouldn’t even exist. Clams have a wonderfully salty, sweet and delicate flavor. To drown them in “rich vegetable marinara” and top them with parmesan is to disrespect the noble clam. Request the lunch version, a classic preparation in a garlic and herb white wine sauce that allows the clams to shine.

Another dish that offended me was Salmon Cordon Bleu. I did a bit of a double take, unsure that I’d actually read those words. Pappas takes a fresh wild salmon filet, stuffs it with ham and Swiss, dredges it in bread crumbs, “grills” it on a flat-top, sauces it with Madeira, then freely admits this to the world. Unforgivable.

I did, however, order the Chicken Cordon Bleu, and found it to be quite satisfying. The breast was cooked just until done, no more, and this preparation is perfect for sprucing up nature’s most bland cut of its most bland beast. Unfortunately, the accompanying red potatoes weren’t fully cooked. Another success was the New York Steak Stracotto Al Borolo. Cooked perfectly, covered with a thick, rich, red wine reduction with onions, mushrooms, garlic and herbs, it was the best thing I’d had at JP’s. But this atonement would prove to be fleeting. I decided to order the Pork Porterhouse special one night, my favorite cut of the hog. I was very disappointed to hear that the chef would not prepare my chop medium-rare because of a “health department law.” Now it may be 1920 inside of JP’s, but the rest of the world has moved on. Eating pork medium-rare is already the norm in the high-end, big city restaurants, and I don’t know a chef who doesn’t eat it (or won’t serve it) that way. To adhere to the dated “guidelines” set by the USDA is stubborn and ignorant, and by the way, no such “law” exists. *

Instead of a dry, overcooked pork chop, I opted for the only menu item I was really excited about, the baked duck with marionberry and whiskey barbecue sauce. Unfortunately, dry and overcooked is what I got. The already small leg and thigh ($20.75, a half duck costs $28.75) was shrivelled and hard, and covered with a sweet, ketchuppy barbecue sauce in which I could not detect the berries or whiskey. An order of Ravioli Cappaletta, cheese-filled pasta with sun-dried tomatoes, roasted garlic and tarragon cream sauce, was pallid, starchy and ordinary.

My final disapproval of JP’s concerns the uncouth “three-point-landing” presentation of all dishes. According to its Web site, JP’s “[doesn’t] serve frou frou food,” and they believe in “no pretensions.” Well, if artful presentation and congruent ingredients are unwelcome, color me pretentious.

– The Mouth

* Editor’s note: The U.S. Department of Agriculture recommends that pork chops and roasts should be cooked to 160°F, which is normally considered “well-done.” The minimum internal temperature required by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (and the Oregon Department of Agriculture Food Safety Division) for safely cooking pork steaks or chops is 145°F for 15 seconds.