Astor Street Opry Company's dinner theater comedy

Watching “Halfway Home” is like the guilty pleasure of overwatering the roses so you can eavesdrop on the neighbors.

It’s impossible to not be intrigued by the overbearing mother, cat-fighting sisters and wacky, valium-popping friend.

But you feel almost voyeuristic for enjoying the dysfunction unfolding on stage, even though like spying over the fence, you’re legally on your own lawn.

This dark comedy is at once interesting and unsettling, as many of the grudges and squabbles the Milhalovic family confronts are all-American and all too common.

Dorene Schmitz plays Susan, a Manhattan bus tour guide who snaps on the hottest day of the year.”There isn’t a woman on the planet who couldn’t relate to one of the characters,” actress Lynn Hout says.

The play opens on the hottest day of the year in Manhattan. Susan Milhalovic (Dorene Schmitz), a tour guide, is trapped in a sweltering bus giving her spiel to a bunch of Yemenese tourists who don’t understand a lick of English and are blatantly ignoring her. She tries to remain calm and cool on the surface, but after saying the same damn thing every day for seven years, she blows.

“I’m single. I’m a registered Democrat. I had two abortions. I live in a hole in the wall. My boyfriend went back to his ex-wife … and I make just enough money to squeak by,” she says, seething with pent-up frustration.

Susan bonds with Nick (Lamar Blackner), the driver of the cab she hijacks, on the long drive to Iowa.Not knowing how she managed to accomplish so little in the last 10 years, Milhalovic decides to hijack a cab to take her home to Iowa, the land of corn, insurance and J.C. Penney’s.

Milhalovic heads out of town with Nick (Lamar Blackner), a “b.s.” champion and drifter who is along for the ride. As they head west, the audience is introduced to Marge (Hout), the bitter and controlling mother; Anne (Ann Tierney), the ever-pregnant ditz; Carol (Pam Stoutenburg), the responsible and cold CPA; Brenda (Sandie Mathews), the lesbian everyone feigns is straight; and neighbor Babby Torkelson (Nancy Claterbos), the drug-addicted, self-deprecating, abused wife.

Mother and daughter butt heads after Susan’s 10-year absence.Author Diane Bank has created believable characters that are at once lovable and eccentric. They are have real-life quirks and are dealt real-life problems, yet they survive. Not magnificently, but well enough.

The comic moments in the play result as much from their humanness as the one-liners.

“The humor comes through from the situation and the way characters react,” Chapman explains.

Next door neighbor Babby (Nancy Claterbos, seated) listens as Anne (Ann Tierney) offers some insight into her marriage with a husband she calls inept.While a tornado brews outside, the audience gets to see what kind of home Susan grew up in.

Marge, starved to know that she is loved and struggling to maintain control of her grown daughters, wants everyone to act like a laughing, content family. She’s bitter and angry that her life isn’t perfect, and afraid of changes in the larger world.

“She has kind of a mean streak and that’s been the biggest stretch because I wasn’t raised that way,” Hout said, explaining the difficulties of the part.

Marge, played by Lynn Hout, expresses a bit of a mean side when addressing her daughters.For example, Anne painted a banner to hang above the door to greet Susan. Her mom compliments her on her artistic ability, then says: “Too bad nothing came of it.”

Each character gets a well-crafted monologue explaining what she hates about her life and what irritates her about her family. The mutterings give insight into each character’s trials and tribulations.

Anne: “Tom sleeps on the sofa bed in the living room now. He says he can’t sleep with the sloshing. I am the person in the Lamaze class who ate a whole tub of wallpaper paste.”

Or Marge: “In those days family was everything, but now it’s like grabbing smoke.”

The cast executes these monologues deftly, and the play is worth seeing for that alone.

But the play has more to offer than witty speeches – like sharp lines, crafty situations and comfort that maybe your own family isn’t so crazy after all.

If nothing else, “Halfway Home” is good entertainment while your roses are in hibernation.

If you go…

What: Astor Street Opry Company’s dinner theater production of “Halfway Home”

When: Fridays and Saturdays through March 6. Doors open at 6:45 p.m. for dinner, catered by Fulio’s Restaurant. Show starts at 8 p.m. Sunday dessert matinees are Feb. 22 and 29. Doors open at 1 p.m. and the show begins at 2 p.m.

Where: Finnish Meat Market, 279 W. Marine Drive, Astoria.

How much: Cost for the complete evening, including dinner, dessert, coffee and show, is $25. Dessert matinee tickets are $15 for adults and $12 for seniors. “Show only” tickets are $10 for any performance.

Space is limited; reservations are required and must be placed by noon of the performance date.

For more information, call the ASOC ticket line at (503) 325-6104 or visit www.shanghaiedinastoria.com